Cold feet 

It’s finally getting chilly out and as I’m walking around the house my feet are freezing. I make it a point to avoid the chilly ceramic tile, but they’re still cold. This happens frequently in my life. With things that irritate me or I want to change, like a spot of paint missing in my bathroom that irks me every single time I’m in there.. Why don’t I just paint it? Why haven’t I put on my nice cozy socks waiting for me in my top drawer? Why does it not even cross my mind to change the things that are bothering me, instead of just learning to adapt to uncomfortability or ignore what I’m feeling? 
I’m not one to use the things that have happened in my life, to enable me to in turn be an asshole or make bad decisions whilst pointing the finger at someone else. I am well aware that we all make our own decisions and we can choose to live a life of victimization or we can choose to take the high road. With that being said, it’s ok to still acknowledge that someone hurt you. It’s ok to tell someone that it wasn’t right. It’s ok to tell people that what they did was extremely shitty and although you move on with life, it doesn’t mean that you will ever forget or even recover from that hurt. People have this misconception that if they apologize and you say it’s ok, life just moves on. I know I’m not alone in this. I know that I’m not the only one to hold on to these feelings- not daily of course because we would surely succumb to being bitter and hateful (more so than usual ;)) But at some point something someone did comes back up and all of that emotion comes flooding back. I’ve always stopped myself from rehashing things that I cannot change. It hurt, arguing sucks, sometimes you find yourself beating a dead horse, so you make yourself move on. You move on from that moment to pacify the situation but it surely does not mean that you moved on from how it really made you feel. Especially for me. People have a tendency to disappoint me. Not because I hold them to a high standard, it just always manages to happen. Maybe because of the passive persona that somehow pours out of me? As a result of that I think I’ve managed to just let people think that it’s acceptable to treat me a certain way because I have a guard up so certainly that means I have no feelings, right? Just so ironic that these people are the same individuals who wonder why I am as independent as I am. I won’t mope in self pity for too long, but I think we need to agree on something here. When someone does something that hurts or disappoints us, we get to tell them they’re an asshole. When our feet are cold, we can put on socks! Just because we have become so complacent to just going with things, doesn’t mean that it’s the right away to handle things. It doesn’t mean that our feet would ever get warm on their own, it just means that we will get used to being cold, but why? Even if it’s for today or for the week or for the month or indefinitely… Although I am very adamant about never playing victim, people don’t just get to hurt me because they think I dont feel. Who’s with me here??

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